porrim-some-sugar-on-me:

lock-lamora:

duhpercy:

ads for pads these days are all about how thin and discreet pads are and how no one will ever be tell you’re wearing them wELL HOW ABOUT YOU MAKE THE PACKAGING QUIETER BECAUSE THERE’S NO FUCKING POINT IN HAVING A THIN DISCREET PAD WHEN EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU RIPPING ONE OPEN IN THE SCHOOL BATHROOM

Use the men’s room they won’t expect it

'Who the fuck is eating chips in here?'

(Source: kazoofunk)

323,080 notes

youcantcancelquidditch:

youcantcancelquidditch:

youcantcancelquidditch:

dorm life

oh my god the response email converts the description to all caps and


om f g the maintenance guy just showed up like “you have a problem with your sink? and also a… fan… returning to the mothership.” and i was like ‘uh’ and then he just grinned and was like ‘yeah, i got the call and the guy on the phone just goes ‘i’ve got to read you this one.”

youcantcancelquidditch:

youcantcancelquidditch:

youcantcancelquidditch:

dorm life

oh my god the response email converts the description to all caps and

om f g the maintenance guy just showed up like “you have a problem with your sink? and also a… fan… returning to the mothership.” and i was like ‘uh’ and then he just grinned and was like ‘yeah, i got the call and the guy on the phone just goes ‘i’ve got to read you this one.

26,708 notes

thekatitube:

DOES ANYONE ELSE GET LIKE REALLY HAPPY WHEN SOMEONE LEANS THEIR HEAD ON YOUR SHOULDER AND YOURE LIKE FUCK YEAH IVE BEEN CHOSEN AND YOU FEEL REALLY SPECIAL BUT THEN YOU HAVE TO STAY SO FUCKIBG STILL COS IF YOU MOVE THEYLL STOP LEANING ON YOU AND ITS LIKE NO COME BACK IM SORRRRYUWYY

207,364 notes

ravine:

you never realize how much you love sleeping until you have to wake up in the morning 

9,297 notes

untilyourbreathingst0ps:

pearls:

pearls:

i touched a dick once and it was the scariest thing in my life because it had a really cold head and i don’t know it wasn’t fun

sometimes the ‘i’ and ‘u’ shouldn’t be so close on the keyboard 

ive seen this post umpteen times and ive always thought that if you switched u and i around it wouldn’t make sense like “u touched a” and i literally just realised you meant duck and not dick i swear to god i am the biggest fucking idiot.

(Source: gingerbreadlou)

242,292 notes

profanities:

clareer:

doctorinternet:

lipstickndynamite:

One of the best mom moments in TV history. I wish more parents knew how important it is to validate their children’s feelings.

What this is so beautiful

Marge tried real fucking hard sometimes.

Marge tried real fucking hard all the time

(Source: forgofamilyforgofriendsx)

341,465 notes

How fascinating it is that there are millions of people all over the world who are wide awake at 4 am missing someone. And there are millions of people sound asleep at 4 am, with no idea that they’re being missed.
please come back  (via n-0-s-t-a-l-g-i-aa)

(Source: nashviille)

140,204 notes

insanity-and-vanity:

elanalei:

some guy at my work came up to me and said my red lipstick was empowering. little does he know the pure redness comes from the blood of my enemies.

you’re doing it right

95 notes

owlgoggles20:

astutes:

A clock that writes the time.

This is so unnecessary I’ll take 20

owlgoggles20:

astutes:

A clock that writes the time.

This is so unnecessary I’ll take 20

276,325 notes

Water the plants. Call your mom. Check the mail. Write Erika a letter. Do not check to see if he’s called you. Take a walk around the park. Look at flights to cities he never set foot in. Do not allow your finger to tap out his name as you make a rhythm of checking your phone again and again and again. Buy groceries. Make yourself dinner. Do not berate yourself when, without thinking, you make enough for two. Do not use the extra food as an excuse to dine with his ghost. Put on the smooth jazz radio station and resist the urge to let your hands rest in the still-remembered areas he once occupied. Dance alone, not with the air. Quit telling yourself it still smells like him. Stale coffee and secondhand smoke were always your thing, not his. Take a bath. Blow dry your hair. Towel off his memory. Mouth “goodbye” so many times that it becomes muscle memory. Climb into bed and read poetry. Leave him in-between the pages. Leave him hanging off the last sentence of the last poem’s last stanza. Leave him, you deserve a good night’s sleep tonight.
To-Do List | Lora Mathis (via lora-mathis)

1,087 notes

weedjoke420:

can’t wait till all my friends get married and have nice weddings with open bars

29,074 notes

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